For the past five years, as March begins to end and April 1 approaches, I have a hard time facing each day, struggling to make sense of your death. I cry before bed each night. I’m so sorry. I’m sorry you had to leave so soon. I didn’t want you to leave, but please know that although you had to go, I know you are never far away. Those chills I get when I am all alone, it’s you giving me a hug. You are still here. That is why I find it so difficult to leave our home! You made it our home! At times, I can hear your laugh and feel your presence! Those beautiful rainbows that stop me in my tracks are you saying hello. Those butterflies that flutter around me are you reminding me I am not alone. I hear you say goodnight to me as I drift to sleep each night, and I whisper “goodnight” back. I wish you could hear me saying, “I love you” every day.
You would be so proud of our children and grandchildren! Although they miss you, too, they are doing exactly what you would want: taking care of me and their families, helping others, serving God! Our children have made sure I am happy. Our grandchildren are maturing into wonderful young men and women. They are all beautiful, handsome, talented, and caring people. They all love you and are carrying on your legacy. You gave them a wonderful foundation!
I miss you with every breath I take, every joyful moment is also filled with sadness and wonder. The wonder of what you are like, what you look like, what you have become. I know you are happy, free, and well now. I know you are at peace now. That knowledge makes it a little easier to make it through the days. I know how much you loved me and our precious family. We can still feel your love, it reaches us all the way from heaven. Although there are days that I think I can’t keep going, days that I can’t wait to join you, I realize that my purpose here on Earth is not finished.
I am doing some of the things we said we would do together. I have ventured out and taken trips, gone to concerts, attended shows at the Fox Theater, and ate at so many different and interesting restaurants. I have even done some things you would never have thought I would do. I went zip lining with Heather and Spencer. I went to IFly with Cason and then again with Debbie, Emily, Ellie Scott, Connor, and Cason. It was exciting, and I somehow felt like you were smiling and saying, “You, go girl!”
I have created a “bucket list” of things I want to do that we talked about doing! At the top of my list is a trip to Graceland and a trip to Niagara Falls. I plan to do as many of the things we talked about doing as I am able. All my adventures would have been so much more fun if you could have been here to enjoy them with me! I love you and will join you when God says “Come Home, My Child!” Until that day comes, I want to help others and be the person who would make you proud. ❤️❤️❤️