Tears have always been a large part of my life. I cry when I am happy, sad, and nostalgic. However, tears can be healing, cleansing, and motivating. Tears are caused by many types of emotions. I have felt them all: Joy, grief, fear, depression, stress, frustration, laughter, empathy, anger, pain, sadness! I have ridden the merry go round or ferris wheel of all emotions during my life.
For the past two weeks, I have been binge watching the series, “This is Us.” I have cried a river of tears watching each episode. The characters and the incidents brought back memories of every stage of my life. At times, I felt like my heart was being ripped right out of my chest. I believe I chose a time of the year when I was most vulnerable, but I imagine I would have felt the same way regardless of when I chose to watch it. I am just glad I watched each episode alone because I did some “ugly” crying. I read somewhere that God collects all our tears, and I know during the past few years He has collected enough for a flood from me. I stopped wearing mascara because I was getting permanent black marks on my cheeks and under my eyes.
Holidays make me very emotional, and I am sure this is true for many people. If you have been a person who usually spends holidays with a special someone and they are no longer with you, it can be a difficult time. My precious family tries to make up for the fact that my soulmate is no longer physically with me. I try to explain to them that I am okay. The statement that misery loves company is not necessarily true. The thing is I cannot simply replace fifty-one years with new traditions and memories. It is not that easy. As time slowly passes, I make small changes, but I do not want to replace all the memories. I am not being melodramatic or stubborn. Some things just cannot be replaced, and I do not want them to be. Therefore, at times I will cry me a river, and that will allow me to plant seeds that can grow into something beautiful. After all, that is what life is all about: the ups and downs, ins and outs, highs and lows, and even the old and new!
Until next time,
I’ve been right there with you. This was my 8th Christmas without Tom and though it has gotten easier, it will never be the same. Holidays are especially hard, but I have found myself getting teary at the grocery store (we always shopped together), or simply passing by a friend’s house where we used to hang out. I think the tears are therapeutic. I always feel better after a good cry. Perhaps God gave us the ability to shed tears as a way to sooth our emotions. We old widow ladies have to hang tough ! (Love your words of wisdom)
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Cheryl, thank you for sharing! I agree!