Tears have always been a large part of my life. I cry when I am happy, sad, and nostalgic. However, tears can be healing, cleansing, and motivating. Tears are caused by many types of emotions. I have felt them all: Joy, grief, fear, depression, stress, frustration, laughter, empathy, anger, pain, sadness! I have ridden the merry go round or ferris wheel of all emotions during my life.

For the past two weeks, I have been binge watching the series, “This is Us.” I have cried a river of tears watching each episode. The characters and the incidents brought back memories of every stage of my life. At times, I felt like my heart was being ripped right out of my chest. I believe I chose a time of the year when I was most vulnerable, but I imagine I would have felt the same way regardless of when I chose to watch it. I am just glad I watched each episode alone because I did some “ugly” crying. I read somewhere that God collects all our tears, and I know during the past few years He has collected enough for a flood from me. I stopped wearing mascara because I was getting permanent black marks on my cheeks and under my eyes.

Holidays make me very emotional, and I am sure this is true for many people. If you have been a person who usually spends holidays with a special someone and they are no longer with you, it can be a difficult time. My precious family tries to make up for the fact that my soulmate is no longer physically with me. I try to explain to them that I am okay. The statement that misery loves company is not necessarily true. The thing is I cannot simply replace fifty-one years with new traditions and memories. It is not that easy. As time slowly passes, I make small changes, but I do not want to replace all the memories. I am not being melodramatic or stubborn. Some things just cannot be replaced, and I do not want them to be. Therefore, at times I will cry me a river, and that will allow me to plant seeds that can grow into something beautiful. After all, that is what life is all about: the ups and downs, ins and outs, highs and lows, and even the old and new!

Until next time,

Hester