When you find yourself alone after 51 years of being loved and taken care of by your soulmate, your best friend, your knight in shining armor, it is an extremely lonely feeling! Not only are you having a difficult time in making daily decisions, but you find yourself having to learn how to do the things your “other half” has always done for you. Simple things like balancing your finances becomes a huge deal. I could write a book on the list of achievements I have accomplished in the last four and a half years, but I will not bore you with the list. Just let me tell you, it is quite lengthy. In addition, I have tried not to rely on my precious children, but I have had to call on them more than I like to admit.
I believe the hardest thing with which I have had to deal is the loneliness. When you have had that one special someone with whom you spent all your time and he is no longer present, it is a vast vacant place in your heart and life. When you always consulted him before you made any plans, you find yourself making fewer plans. When you always found your joy in making him smile and be happy, you find yourself smiling less and preferring to be alone rather than making others unhappy. It is difficult to explain to others because you do not want them to worry or feel sorry for you. You want others to be filled with joy and happiness.
I have always thought I had a lot of love to give. My daddy told me once that the more love you gave the more you had to give. I believe that is true because my heart just keeps overflowing with love for others. I love with no expectation of receiving anything in return. In fact, the best feeling in the world is to do something for someone and not letting them know it is coming from you. Even when I know I really cannot afford to do something, sometimes I feel led to do it anyway. That action has gotten me into trouble a few times!
I do not know what my future holds for me, but I do know who holds my future in His Hands. God has always had me in His Hands since I was a very young child and accepted Jesus as my Savior! I belonged to Him even before that because He created me. Through the years I made mistakes, but He always forgave me and protected me. I know God Loves Me, and His Plan for me is better than any plan I could make for myself.